Stu:
Honest, Richard. She doesn't *mean* to be getting into arguments with knights all the time!
Blackbird:
They're just such idiots.
Stu:
Umm....
....
Narrator:
Their voices trail as they walk away. Hooves inbound...
A clearly irritated Hesketh takes two quick steps forward and then nimbly places his leading foot in Wholestien's stirrup, and without missing a stride the big man is off and away.
Then, just within shouting distance....
Sir Richard: [Thinking]
And I thought I was angry...
[Spoken]
Hesketh, easy!
Dave:
A mounted man assaulting one on foot isn't quite Dick's cup of tea. He just wants to make sure Hesketh doesn't do anything permanent.
Luther: [over shoulder]
SO? YOU BOYS COMING, OR YOU GONNA JUST STAND THERE DROOLING?
Hesketh: [with an evil grin]
' thought you'd never ask!
Let us leave go and drink!
Narrator:
Blackbird pulls away at the sound of thundering hooves behind her.
[SMACK!]
The sound that Hesketh's mailed paw makes when it connects with Luther's armour can be heard for quite a ways. Luther feels his armour catapulted from the ground and he follows shortly thereafter. The horizon drops away and then comes back wrongways as Hesketh swings Luther in a big circle.
Blackbird stares in shock and anger as Sir Luther is hauled up and away from her. Breaking into a run, she drops Rocinante's reins and chases after Hesketh's horse.
Luther tries to pull a weapon, but instead he's pulling about three and a half G as he makes his first orbit in a vertical plane.
The next orbit has a 45 degree inclination and Luther is suffering from vertigo as Wholestein hits full stride towards wherever it is Hesketh is bound.
Luther: [shouted]
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Narrator:
The third orbit is nearly horizontal as Hesketh puts everything he has into launching Luther into a low, flattish trajectory with a very high velocity. The wrist snap at the end threatens to render Luther unconscious, but he hangs on. Free fall is sorta interesting, but unfortunately rather short lived.
Luther: [still shouting]
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SSSSSSSSSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Luther hits the stream and makes a wake and rooster tails to be proud of as he bodysurfs. V drops off and he sinks, rolling on the smooth stones of the creek bed.
Luther: [unspoken]
This effin creek had better be shallow or I'm fishfood.
[shouted]
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!
Narrator:
He gets his footing and stands up, spitting a stream of rather foul water back to whence it came. The water is neck high.
Hesketh: [pulls up short]
As you say, the drink...is on you.
[takes a swig from his own water skin]
Had enough?
Narrator:
The smell that's permeating Luther's nostrils tells him just what this part of the creek is being used for.
[if asked, Hesketh will just maintain that he was taking Luther up on his offer "Drinks are on me." ]
Narrator:
Luther stands there, a not entirely sure whether he wants more to get up and have a more even "discussion" with Sir Hesketh or just laugh it off as the same thing he'd do -- if he ever had 200 pounds and 4 feet on somebody. The thought hardly has time to register when....
Blackbird catches up with Wholestien just in time to hear Hesketh speak. He is facing the creek, unaware of her approach. She draws her Bowie knife, winds up and WHACK -- slams the flat of the blade as hard as she can against the sensitive flesh of Wholestien's rump.
Wholestien's reaction is everything she'd hoped for and more. It's the more part that's a problem. The horse goes vertical and a hoof the size of a dinner plate goes back at head level. Blackbird tries her best to retreat and dodge, but still she is clipped in the forehead.
Blackbird: [unspoken]
Backwards won't do it, gotta get sideways too...
[SMACK!]
Narrator:
Wholestein determines that Luther is still the target of opportunity...
Hesketh: [bellows]
DUCK! Sir Luther, for your life!
Luther: [eyes go very wide]
No shit, [glub]
[he ducks under the water]
Narrator:
Hesketh commands a jump from Wholestien and gets it. The whole package goes over Luther's submerged head and onto the far bank of the creek
Blackbird's body is pitched onto the grass in a heap.
Blackbird: [fighting to retain consciousness]
[while airborne]
Softglove is gonna be pissed at me for something this stupid.
[impact]
Light the fire, Ti, it's too dark for me to see...
[click...]
Narrator:
We will see a bit more of her later in this file so keep reading…
Hesketh gets Wholestein slowed down and back under control. Luther surfaces -
Luther: [spits out another stream of water]
This creek *still* tastes like piss.
[spies Hesketh and Wholestein headed back his way]
This shit's gettin old, fast.
Narrator:
- and decides that Hesketh can go around this time. Which, amazingly, he does. Hesketh crosses the creek and stops Wholestein well away from Blackbird. He dismounts and goes over to Blackbird. Luther starts to wade out of the creek.
Hesketh: [loud, really loud]
SIR RICHARD! BRING A HEALER!
[to Luther]
You, knave, will stand as you are in the midst of yonder creek until others have arrived.
[slaps a mailed fist against that flat of his sword blade for emphasis. It's not a pretty sound to Luther's ears.]
Narrator:
Hesketh unbuckles a gauntlet and takes it off. He then kneels by Blackbird. His frame of mind changes when he spies her knife, lying where she dropped it. He opens an eyelid and checks for pupil dilation, being careful not to let her head move. He then starts getting her hair away from the areas that are bleeding.
Luther: [climbing out anyway]
Like Hell, I will!
Narrator:
With this, Luther clambers out of the creek and makes a path for Blackbird and Hesketh. Rather than the sprint he'd prefer, he makes the effort to slow down long enough to unbuckle and drop his sword belt. By the time he reaches Blackbird and Hesketh, he's unarmed.
It doesn't go unnoticed.
He starts to check her out. Realizes what his clothes are soaked with.
Luther: [frustrated]
Damn!
Narrator:
He looks instead at what Hesketh has done. He starts to make a bandage. Realizes what every stich of cloth in his possession is now soaked with.
Luther: [more frustrated]
Shit!
Narrator:
He looks down at her, totally helpless. Looks at himself, totally ineffective. Finally, frustration (as it often does for him) turns to anger.
Luther: [to Hesketh]
Bahamut's Balls, man! She was just playing along!
Ed.K:
You've just hit Luther's Achilles' Heel.
Hesketh: [cooly]
You, sir, will remain six feet from her. If you drip water onto her wounds, the infection will kill her.
Luther:
Oh......Yeah.....
[backs up so as not to drip on her]
Heaketh:
If she lives, *then* we will discuss the matter of her knife, and her intent with it. Blaspheming will neither heal her or improve your lot.
Dave:
Since Richard was already puffing along, I imagine he'll probably get there first. Besides, it'll lead to a good line...
Narrator:
Richard arrives moments behind Hesketh's call.
Hesketh:
[looks up]
Sir Richard, she did attack Wholestien with yonder knife from behind and he did strike a blow to her head. It must be Bahamut's will that she live, for no mortal has ever survived such a blow before.
Sir Richard: [To Luther]
Stand back, man, and give me a little room!
Hesketh:
Her pupils are dilated and I have kept her head from moving in case she stirs. The bleeding is serious but it is not what threatens her. Her neck may be broken.
Neil:
I think it's dilated pupils that's right., They might be pinpoint, I forget which.
----------
Narrator:
Richard quickly examines the head wound. Reaching a decision, he withdraws his Holy Symbol and lays a hand on Blackbird's head, murmuring softly. He searches her wound again and murmurs more, checks again and is finally satisfied. Blackbird begins to regain her color and no longer appears near death.
Maia and Brennan arrive and take over from Hesketh. She Heals Blackbird, which brings her momentarily back to conciousness.
Sir Richard: [Speaking softly, obviously still concerned]
Why is it, Evaine, that we keep meeting after you've been run over by a horse? Go easy, don't yell, and stay awake for a few hours, OK?
Dave:
OK, I'll get out my earplugs now... ;-)
Narrator:
Blackbird's eyes flicker open. The first thing she sees is a of small, copper-haired virago rising to her feet, putting her fists on her hips and beginning an impassioned lecture. Or maybe two or three of them. And the lecture is way too loud for the monster headache. Richard is there, and that shade is being provided by Hesketh.
Maia:
You're going to have a headache for several days and it serves you right. You have absolutely NO excuse for treating a horse that way. You can't be Ignorant of Animals, I saw you arrive with some of your own. So what, in the name of Myame and her sister, did you THINK would happen when you did that? None of the Anchors *I* know are that stupid. Or aren't you really an Anchor?......
Blackbird: [groggy, seeing at least two of everyone]
[unspoken]
Who *is* this person, and why is she lecturing me? Last thing I remember.... oh ...
[aloud, softly, 'cause it sounds like a shout to her]
Fuck you, sister.
[unspoken]
(Oh my, wasn't that witty!)
Shut up. It's bedtime.
[passes out]
Narrator:
Maia continues in this vein for quite a while, but mercifully Blackbird misses most of it. Sister Anne approached at the same time that Maia did but seeing that Mia had things under control, turned her attention to the two knights.
Sister Anne: [indicating they should move away from the body]
[to Luther]
You Sir can help by getting someone to boil some clean water for the lady, she is going to need a soothing drink for the headache and then you can change your clothes so that you won't have to be cared for next.
Narrator:
Luther starts to respond, realizes that she is right. Unfortunately, the delay is sufficient for her to fix him with the infamous "Sister Anne's You're Not Doing What You Should Be" stare. He starts to go.
Sister Anne: [continuing, to Hesketh]
You Sir can help by arranging accommodations with Jhereg. The next time you are provoked, think twice before you act. With this large of group, we don't need an excuse for a fight.
Hesketh: [calmly, just shy of patronizing]
Holy Sister, I did think most carefully before I acted. Luther is unharmed, save for his dignity. He has been paid back in the coin he so freely spends. Perhaps, learned Sister, your lecture is best spent on this woman, who did attack my horse with her knife from behind.
Luther: [a little too loud]
Fight? This weren't no fight! Just a friendly game of one-upmanship, that's all. Hell's Fire! If I were out to fight, I wunta offered the man a drink! Who do you think sponsors all those bloody local fairs that Sir Robin insists on entering?
Narrator:
Luther moves with amazing rapidity carry out Sister Anne's bidding. Once the he is on his way, Anne turns her attention back to Maia and Blackbird.
Sister Anne: [seeing that Evaine has passed out]
Maia, you can stop your lecture now as the anchor has passed out; besides I know her and the lecture won't do any good.
[smiles]
The headache she'll have when she wakes up should be a sufficient lesson on the stupidity of hitting a horse.
[to Sir Richard]
Perhaps we should get our friend off the ground and onto something more comfortable and then maybe we can talk?
Narrator:
Maia gives Sister Anne a hard stare, but manages to restrain herself from transferring her temper from Blackbird to this new person who has just pointed out the obvious. Not to mention interrupting her when she was on a roll.
Maia: [to herself]
Don't patronize me, lady! I can tell when someone is unconscious. I just wasn't finished. *Now* I'm finished.
Narrator:
Sir Richard gently picks up Blackbird and takes her a tent. Anne leaves instructions and a packet of herbs for when Blackbird wakes up. Then both quietly leave.
In less time than you'd think it would take just for those stubby little legs to cover the ground, Luther returns in fresh clothing carrying a bucket of hot water, a flagon of ale, and a teapot. The heaviness of his breathing is a dead giveaway that he's close to joining her in unconsciousness.
Luther: [looking around]
Damn! Now, where'd they take her to?
...